I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize