i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
