she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
