I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Randomize
