New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
