the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
