Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
