I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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