He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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