So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
