Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
