Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
