So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
