I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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