If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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