what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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