I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
