did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You can't just leave with hair like that
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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