Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
