This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
