were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he thought i was a dude.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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