Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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