If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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