If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
