I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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