woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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