I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
