Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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