Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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