Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
