I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
