I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
