I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
