Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
wow bdsm is so cute
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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