DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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