I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
