the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
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I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
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He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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