I love black thongs
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
