Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
