how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This baby is an asshole
Your cock deserves a montage
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
