i just wanna soil my oats bro
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
