Me. At least after what I've been through.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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