I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
