Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
