Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
This is the high leading the old right now
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
