I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
did you just send me my own nude
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
