He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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