I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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