Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
