Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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