At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
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I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
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Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize