Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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