i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
