i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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