Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
