did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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