Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
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I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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