I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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