I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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